Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize