I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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