break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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