I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
