She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
