Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
