he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
