How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
