thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
