Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
