I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
