The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize