I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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