Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
