You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
