Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
