What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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