his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
