Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
