the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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