I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
