The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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