this just has baby written all over it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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