I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
