I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
