If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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