i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize