Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
