hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
