u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
