hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
