Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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