I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize