this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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