Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
