i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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