I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
