don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
