It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
