I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize