Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
