I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
