I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
