he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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