so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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