eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize