Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
