She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
