He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
