Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
