Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
