I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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