I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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