Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
