dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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