We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
