I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
