oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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