you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
