I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
