I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize