I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
