I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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