I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Screwed.edu
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
