Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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