Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
"it" just moved
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
