even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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