Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
