Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
