seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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