My friends, they love my intelligence
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
