hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
