bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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