Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
