ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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