someone get that fucking seahorse.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I did not marry a roomba.
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