I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
