It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
