He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
