She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
