would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my shit smells like andre
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
