xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
