I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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