You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
