I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
