I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize