I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
