Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
