Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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