one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
