i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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