Your tits are I can't wait for
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
