so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize