the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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