Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
