Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
