I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone came in the potted fern
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
